After getting your letter, I read all your posts. I thought I would give an open reply here.
The sheer trust you people place in modern psychiatry is really terrifying. As far as I can understand, modern psychiatry doesnāt know much about what really ticks and triggers the mind and mood.
As far as you being a Bipolar, I would simply say that this type of high sounding terminology is a misuse of words to terrify people by persons who cannot claim any level of knowledge on the inner depths of the human mind, and are equally at sea as how the mind works.
The medicines that you may have taken might really burden your mind with a heavy lethargy. As far as mood swings are concerned, there are deeper codes involved. For example, take the issue of abusive words being used by a person. What is it that triggers that?
The easiest thing that can provoke it, is provocation. What provocation, if the other person has not used abusive words? Well, thinking from an English experience, it might not be easy to explain it, even though the issue is there. From my studies on oriental languages, I have found that sentences or words that may sound perfectly decent when translated into English, can actually be terrifically provocative.
For example, a simple sentence like, āWhere were you till now?ā when asked in an oriental language, and possibly many European languages, and probably African languages, can have be made violently provocative by the simple change of the level of words used. For these languages do have different levels, each inflicting a substandard level to the person, or else honouring the person.
Similarly, minor curving of the eyebrow, a out of social level sort of answer, which become a sort of social insubordination, a slight hint of some hidden meaning, a allusion to a weakness, or some other things, all spoken in very mild manner, and also unspoken hints can all be provocative. It can swing a personās mood.
If a person is found to be having a periodic swing in mood, the best idea would be to study the others who really may be sending the provocative signals with a specific periodicity. As an intelligent human beings, a man would react to these things.
Beyond that from my own observations I have found that certain persons do have some innate craving to despoil another personās individually. Some persons do crave to see that another person remains in his or her mental custody. Such persons do send such provocative signals, for they might be knowing what it is that can trigger a reaction. In many cases, these persons can even be a parent or parents, uncles, aunts, spouse, friends on whom one depends etc. Generally acknowledged enemies cannot reach the physical proximity to do this.
Some of the reasons for this incredible craving could be the need for keeping someone beneath themselves, jealousy that the other person may improve and grow beyond certain levels, and such other things. However, during my observations, I did also feel that some of these intangible enmities really goes beyond the scope of this life, and may even be connected to certain things beyond the scope of oneās life.
I may stress that if you are a person with quality, you are an easy prey to their diabolic initiatives. Crude persons usually do not get easily distressed by these things. Also, it is quality persons who are the easy targets.
In your case, I should not make any suggestions as to who might be the person/s who are harbouring any kind of inimical interests in you. However, these persons would be someone who puts on a stance of being very helpful to you, and others see them as that. At the same time, they suddenly change their words and postures from that of a very caring person to someone who suddenly pounces on you. Usually this/these person/s would encourage yourself and others to believe that you have basic mental problems. The sheer suddenness and force of the change of pose and personality of this/these persons can really unsettle you.
Apart from this issue, there are other things that can also distress. As you say that some doctor, in his extreme height of ignorance and incompetence had diagnosed you as bipolar and made you take medicines, you indeed have been rendered weak. There is a certain level of desperation in your letters. Yet, they do speak that you have a vibrant mind, that simply wants to break out of the fetters.
The place you live, the shape of your house, what you see on your walls, the kind of society you are forced to see everyday and such things can affect your mind. Usually, a clean and happiness inducing scenario can help unburden your mind. As to society, you may mentally yearn for a different kind of people to be with.
The question is how do you escape the problems? Well, it depends on your willingness to understand that you are not ill. Your mental state is unique to you. May be others cannot understand you. Well, if you are rich and can afford to live where you please and with whom you please, a great bit of problem would be solved. However that may not be the case. In certain cases, there may be persons who those affectionate and helpful, who really may not like the idea of your financial independence.
What are your interests? Do you read books, love any sporting activity, love browsing the internet, got a good job which you enjoy, love traveling, love going on a cycle, love swimming and such things? If you love to write, do that.
If you feel that your mind is burdened everyday, it could be due to your medicines. Or the harsh/unsettling mental environment you have at the place of your residence. You have to find a way to break out.
Try being a teacher to some children. It can really helps you if you can get acknowledged as a teacher. Teaching can be in textbook matter or can be in some indoor games or even in outdoor activity. Or simply participate in some such things. See that you have a few people who appreciate your gesture.
Find someone who appreciates you in words and gestures. Keep away from persons who taunt you or try to belittle you.
When you get up in the morning, do a bit of rope skipping. Do yoga exercises. You donāt need to go to a guru. Buy a book and practice it. They are simple exercises.
A bath can lighten your mood. Massage your hair. Sing some songs loudly. Practise public speaking. Join a public speaking club.
Beyond all this, if you need medication, try Homeopathy. In this system of medicine, there are no mental diseases, only mental conditions. Every man has a different mental condition. Homeopathy can rectify deviations, but does not strangle the person with terrifying terminology.
