Your relationship basically is like that of a married couple, so to say. In such a relationship, there are powerful links between you (or codes). What really gives force to this relationship is these links, some of which are of mutual dependence.
If this were not there, the relationship basically falters. Your partner gets the inputs that you are going slack on your side. May be she is more dependant on you than you are dependant on her. Or else the intensity of your relationship could be a point of envy among others. Their thoughts, words, glances and much else can bring in discordance or disturbances in the codes that I spoke of.
If your partner feel that you have gone loose on fidelity, have a very frank talk with her and tell her in powerful words that you care for her. A very open communication in times of distrust can assuage the hurts and patch up the splintered codes. Explain what you did and why it was mistaken. This is a very positive thing to do in all relationships, be it marriage, business partnership, friendship etc. Simply glowing in the feeling, âHe/she is suspicious. But I have not done a wrong. Let him/her think what she/he wantsâ can be a very negative attitude that can lead to the death of any relationship.
If you want your relationship to endure, well you should do your part of the scheme of things. Understand that the provoked person is not always in the wrong. For, one needs to study the provocation also. Also understand that you are in a relationship. It has its duties apart from claims. Also avoid being too provocative in words, when the other person is desperately seeking positive inputs from you, that can stabilize the relationship.
I am sorry if I was too judgmental, for no human being can stand in such a position, even if super qualified. Your experiences are unique, and only you can get to know its inner triggers fully. However, from an intellectual perspective I would like to say the following.
The first thing is that looking retrospectively, you may find that all this was a learning experience in your life. For, one learns a lot of things as one move forward in life. Your partner also may be in the same process.
I tried to find areas where one could focus on strengthening your relationship. Now, to take the other perspective, what might be the triggers that make your partner snap at you? If you are a native English speaker, you may not fully understand when I say that there is an issue of leadership. It is not leadership that she has on you, but the sort of social leadership a person gets over others in society. Actually in a native English speaking environment this is a very slim feature. In many other languages, your standing in a position of unfaltering support can lend a sort of power in your partner that gives a very powerful feel to the personality. Even though the exact requirements and machinery is very flimsy in English, it is still there. Maybe it is like the tremendous feel of self confidence that a person garners after going through a very sweet bout of sex with a very willing partner.
There is another feature of leadership (this word is not apt in English). In many languages, persons are spontaneously connected to different lines of command the moment they interact, speak, or even think of certain entities. For example, a person is working in a firm. He is in line of command. He is speaking to his wifeâs family members. Immediately he shifts to another line of command. Actually, these different lines of command do not show powerful shifts when the social environment is English. This is due to some special feature of English and similar languages. In many other languages, words and usages changes and sharply shifts a person to different positions in a sort of 3 dimensions space. It is a deep subject, and I cant go into that here. However, the fact remains that there are certain non-tangible strings to which persons do get adhered to.
When a person on whom one has anchored shifts position, a void is sensed by the person (his/her brain), and he or she may react to this and see it as a sort of treachery or betrayal.
I believe you area a native English speaker and as such not liable to that issue in a deep manner. But think of the issue like this. Your partner and you are sitting and talking something sweet and intimate. Suddenly your mobile rings, and you get connected to a person from a different hierarchy in which your partner is a total outsider. Well, she may be able to sense the sudden movement in you, even though it is not a physical movement.
Now, that apart, the moot question would be, do you want your relationship to continue? What are her interests and do you have any areas of commonality in these things? There should be something of mutual interests wherein you can communicate and find a shared interest. Otherwise boredom may set in.
As to her being abusive, if you are not at fault, then she is going through a tough time mentally. I would say that in every relationship as more and more persons come into the picture, there is a change in the component in the way the two persons are placed. In other words, the direction and lines of link change position. Ideas, words, sentences, opinions and many other things come to perch on the strings of attachment and powerfully act on it. One or both of you may then get interested in other things, and a change in the original reason for attachment and dependence may happen. This can be a tragedy or else a singular issue that many relationships may face in life.
In spite of writing so much, I admit that I am not in a position to lend any specific advice to you. Human life and its whereabouts could be complicated. There could many seemingly frill elements that may have deeper impact on you both. For example, your sexual intimacies. Trust me when I say that there is a hidden code in sex, which can lend to a sweet rhyme and rhythm in sex. Discordance in this can spell discordance in affection also. Other things like the people you move with; the subjects of talk where you agree or disagree with your partner, certain passionate ideas of yours or hers, which doesnât get the same passionate interest or support from you or your partner; life ambitions; distressing thoughts of how long the relationship can be maintained etc. can also feature in your relationship.
Ultimately, in the last count, life is full of experiences. You may be in the wrong, or she may be in the wrong. Or both of you may have their own perfect reasons. Yet, when it feels that a relationship has reached its end, one moves on. Hurt is there, sure, but then it is a learning experience. If it comes to that, bear no grudge. Or you can take a time off, a separation for some time, and see if both of you need to continue the relationship. Everything is possible.
